In a day and age where young adults are increasingly seen as progressive, it seems that in terms of our views on relationships and gender roles, we are only regressing. The current media phenomenon of “masculine men”, albeit not a new concept, has developed a firm hold over the relationship expectations of our generation. The media has propagated that for men to be desirable they must be able to take care of women. True “masculine men”, according to social media, are those who reject all traits of femininity. He is not emotional or dependent, and is able to take the lead in the relationship. The woman simply wishes to mindlessly follow him. Not only do these takes promote gender stereotypes, but they also reinforce patriarchal standards by portraying femininity as a weakness. This portrayal increases the likelihood of gender-based violence specifically against women and contributes to higher suicide rates among men.

Bestselling author and renowned couple’s therapist, Terry Real discusses the issues around gender and intimacy as well as the effects of the patriarchy on both men and women. Real states that “the rigid dichotomy of gender roles” is owed to the patriarchy under which we all live. This dichotomy is that men are traditionally supposed to be strong, unemotional, logical and independent, whilst women are traditionally supposed to be weak, expressive, nurturing, and dependent. These gender stereotypes of how men and women ought to be are not the key to a successful relationship. As Real puts, these gender roles are dated and they do not make anyone happy or make for intimacy. These traditional roles were implemented for stability and production, not for the happiness and intimacy that we are seeking. With all the media propagation, the younger generation is led to believe that traditional gender roles and “masculine men” are  the key to a happy relationship, when in fact, it is the opposite. The media propagation of this type of man that should be desirable, is merely another means to uphold the patriarchy. 

Society will accept masculinity in women, however, the minute we see femininity in men, the tables turn on them. The common saying that “real men do not cry” does nothing but perpetuate the patriarchal gender stereotypes that men are “too strong” to show emotion . These gender stereotypes perpetuate that women are the weaker sex as a result of their emotion. The view that femininity is weaker, is a core value upon which the patriarchy is built and an idea that is deeply ingrained in society, not only in men, but also in women. These gendered stereotypes are particularly damaging in romantic relationships as the one who inhabits the “feminine” traits will often feel a profound instinct to protect whoever is inhabiting the masculine traits, even if they are being harmed by them. Real states that it is an inexplicable psychological factor prevalent in humans, and it always results in the perpetrator being protected . 

Gender stereotyping is so deeply ingrained in society that everyone is conditioned from the beginning. Boys are blue and girls are pink, boys are dominant and girls are submissive. These gender stereotypes can often contribute to domestic abuse. The beliefs that men should be in charge, that harassment is normal, and that women should agree to intimacy with their partners even when they do not feel like it, contribute to increased physical violence against women not only because they believe that women are their right, but because they are led to believe that their aggressive and violent behavior is acceptable . What is more concerning is that research shows that these beliefs are fairly common, 52% of men in the Solomon Islands believe that women should be intimate with their spouses even when they do not feel like it and seven out of ten men in Latin America and the Caribbean believe that women are to blame for the harassment they receive. Thus, men are not inherently violent, it is these stereotypes perpetuated by the patriarchy that are the root of the problem . 

Society and the media promote that to be a “real man” he must be able to provide for his family and must be physically strong. These stereotypes not only result in gender-based violence often targeting women, these stereotypes also negatively impact men. Men who do not fit society’s standards and stereotypes of what a man ought to be, face societal exile . Men are taught from a young age that showing emotions is unacceptable as it leads to being perceived as weak, which contributes to increasing suicide rates for men. 

Men are less likely than women to seek help for mental health issues for fear of being seen as weak. It is this stigma around male gender stereotypes that contributes to the increasing suicide rate in men. More women are being diagnosed with mental health disorders such as depression, however it is more men who die by suicide than women. Are there really more women with mental health issues or are women just more likely to seek help than men are? It is likely the latter that applies. The stigma that surrounds men’s mental health results from gender stereotypes which promote that men should not express their emotions. As a result of the stigma, men are often less likely to seek support which can result in their mental health issues reaching the point of suicide. In the United States, men make up around half of the nation’s population, however they made up nearly 80% of the suicides that took place in 2021. And although the CDC says that the suicide rates for young adults is lower than the suicide rates for other groups, it is still the second leading cause of death for young men. 

The desire for “masculine men” as perpetrated by the media ultimately reinforces dated gender stereotypes. The romanticization of heterosexual relationships where the man is the dominant partner whilst the woman is the submissive will inevitably lead to continued instances of domestic abuse as well as an increase in the suicide rates of men. Media propagation of this category of romantic relationships will only continue to perpetuate the patriarchy further and oppress the women of society whilst also negatively impacting the men. In our current age where the media plays such an influential role, it will do significant harm to continue to promote the ideal of the “masculine man”. Women do not need to be taken care of and men do not need to be responsible for women. Traits should not be associated with gender, and the ideal that social media promotes- where the man calls all the shots in romantic relationships- is ultimately harmful and regressive.

 

References:

Caprino, K. (2018, January 26). Renowned therapist explains the crushing effects of patriarchy on men and women today. Forbes. https://www.forbes.com/sites/kathycaprino/2018/01/25/renowned-therapist-explains-the-crushing-effects-of-patriarchy-on-men-and-women-today/

Dobson, Patrick. Holding hands, a meditation. 10 Apr. 2022. PatrickDobson.Com, https://patrickdobson.com/holding-hands-a-meditation/. Accessed 2 Nov. 2024.

England, A. (2023, August 4). Men’s higher suicide rate: Understanding and addressing it. Healthline. https://www.healthline.com/health/mens-health/mens-suicide-rate#lowering-rates 

Mekky, S., Seshadri, S. S., & Barnes, M. (2020, June 16). Femininity: Definitions of femininity: Feminine men: Womens republic. Women’s Republic. https://www.womensrepublic.net/why-does-the-world-hate-feminine-men/

Moore, F., Taylor, S., Beaumont, J., Gibson, R., & Starkey, C. (2018, August 23). The gender suicide paradox under gender role reversal during industrialisation. PloS one. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6107173/ 

WeEncourage, A W. (2021, June 3). How gender stereotypes and norms contribute to violence against women.

Medium. https://medium.com/we-encourage/how-gender-stereotypes-and-norms-contribute-to-violence-against-women-1bab00c22e04